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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has always been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to learn that a prominent writer a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity playing for City, the controversial forward entered a community college to use the facilities back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “Subsequently he wandered through the school acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach post a quick discussion within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he entered the drenched struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

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Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|